nancy's guide to thoughtful gifts

You've received a bad gift. You've given a bad gift. Me too.

Panic not, I'm here to help! This page will describe how I usually go about picking gifts for people.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not perfect - I've had my fair share of flops. Gifts are unique to everyone and I don't judge anyone for gifting choices. It's the thought that counts, after all! But I've been told I am a good gift giver. ;)

DISCLAIMER 2: I'm laying all my gifting strategies out in the open here, so don't judge me lol

PHILOSOPHY

Here's my gifting philosophy, in order of importance.

  1. My gift should increase joy, OR
  2. My gift should decrease stress.

    3. Just try to make the person happier! Of course!

  3. My gift should not be a burden or cause guilt.

    4. It's important to not appear that you've overspent. And omg, don't give them the burden of bringing this crap to goodwill. (See also: Pitfalls)

  4. My gift should be enjoyable on the day of gifting.

    5. Not necessary - but just really fun to be able to crack open the gifted wine and start on the gifted puzzle! Interactive gifts are the best in my opinion. What can you do with a giftcard on Christmas? (More on that later.)

  5. My gift is cohesive with itself.

    6. A good collection of small gifts can create a lovely visual or theme, making the giftee feel pleasantly spoiled and loved. Also not top priority.

WHAT DO THEY WANT?

Lets be real - most adults do not know what they want, or don't feel comfortable straight up asking. It's up to you to figure it out, which is risky but rewarding! And sometimes they'll give you hints...

"I wish I could buy everything from this brand."

"I really want this stupid thing, but I can't justify spending the money."

"I've been on a huge baking spree lately!"

Sometimes you can ask if they have an Amazon wishlist as well. That way they can indirectly ask for things and leave the price point up to you. It's tempting to just buy a couple things off their wishlist and call it a day! But I try to avoid a present with only things they explicitly asked for. As much as it is an extra hassle, taking the risk of picking something yourself will make it feel more thoughtful by a mile. There are things that they would love that they didn't know they wanted - hobbies they could dip their toes into - that comic that seems right up their alley, etc!

**A mix of things they asked for and things you found yourself means you're guaranteed not to totally flop.**

BIG PICTURE

Let's think generally first. What's going on in this person's life? Was there a recent move, a new job, a new partner, a new baby, a layoff, an unexpected expense? What do they treasure, what pets do they have, what are their hobbies? Any big upcoming trips?

These things can help me start thinking of ideas. You could get them a trinket for their new desk job, a scarf for moving somewhere cold, a 2-player card game to play with their S.O. If it's been a stressful year, what would help them unwind? Is there a nice way you could take an expense off their shoulders, like a giftcard? (It's important to be tactful about this! The worst thing to do is make your giftee feel guilty.)

This context can help you pick stuff and helps show you know what's up.

TYPES OF GIFT

I have literally never seen anything good in those 'gifts for him' and 'gifts for her' parts of stores and websites. Here's my basic categories...

Utility

Considerations: A useful gift is fantastic, but you can go too far. Make sure to pick something with at least some novelty or beauty. I read a gift guide once that suggested giving everyone you know 10-foot charger cables for their phone. It's something everyone could use, but not very exciting to unwrap (stocking stuffers are a different story). You may also have a friend that doesn't give a shit about novelty or beauty. Get that man something full utility.

Fashion

Considerations: Clothes are risky business, especially if you guess their size wrong. Gift receipts are a must here (but include them whenever you can, why not). Bonus points if you check that the clothes are not handwash only.

Comfort

Considerations: This stuff can feel a bit impersonal on its own. But it can work - for instance, I know my mom enjoys switching body wash often, so a soap bundle would work for her.

Taste

Considerations: You better know that they like this type of food (unless it's a gag gift like some crazy Japanese candy). THINK: Do they have food allergies, are they vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, sober? They'll love you so much if you give them something they can actually eat.

Activity

Considerations: I don't want someone to feel like using my gift is an obligation, so I try not to give them unless I know the person actually likes them. If they barely ever read, they could feel bad for not reading your gift, especially if you ask how it was later. Think: fun to try, low long-term committment.

Fandom

Considerations: The oh-so tempting category, but it's easy for fandom-interested people to get bombarded with this type of gift, so use with care. Bonus points again if you check that the mug is dishwasher safe.

Other

PITFALLS

Too Passionate

There is a sweet spot for gift-giving that is relevant to this person's interests, but not their expert field. You don't want to give a professional artist a box of crayolas, essentially.

If you know they have a collection, adore a hobby, or are in the midst of a red-hot obsession with a tv show, you might not have enough intel to know if you're getting them something unsatisfying, or a dupe of what they already have!! The situation can change quickly here.

Old News

This is also the case in the opposite direction, when you buy a gift because they were really into something months or years ago. Don't assume that's still the case now.

If you end up in these uncertain zones but think the gift could be great, I think there's no harm in shooting them a text/pic to ask. It spoils the surprise, but you get to course correct if necessary. Plus they'll know not to buy it for themselves, and they know you cared. Who knows, they might forget you asked :P

No Fun

I try to avoid gifting things relating to difficult goals, chores, work, or unpleasant reminders of reality. Like, the person on a diet might appreciate the low-cal cookbook, but I'd rather provide them with cheat day candy? I'm here to bring joy, not bring you back down to earth about your fitness goals on Christmas. Disclaimer: This definitely depends on the person!!! Tactfully acknowledging and supporting their life goals can lead to some awesome gifts too.

What if I don't know this person very well?

I think the best type of gift for someone you don't know well is an indulgent consumable. I'm talkin' something from the "Taste" category above. Anyone likes getting these things!

It's great if you can ask someone who knows them better what they like of these categories. They'll be more excited that you knew they like dark chocolate than if you took a shot in the dark.

WHERE TO SHOP?

Sorry, if I told you that, I'd have to kill you. :P

No, but really you already know where to shop. The big tip I have for this section is: keep the people you're shopping for in your mind when you go out. Once it gets closer to Christmas, if I'm at Target and see an interesting endcap, I run through my list and wonder if anyone would like this thing. This cuts down on the amount of overt gift shopping I need to do. It is an increased mental load, but worth it - it also helps that I think this is fun lol.

Thrifted stuff etc can be fantastic when you know the person enjoys second-hand items - but make sure you wash clothes before gifting.

That's all I got! Get out there and have a good time!